Anya:
Tis is the man that I plan to entangle-
Isn't he fine
My claim to fame was to maim
And to mangle - vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made, I'll trade for his
The only trouble is ...
I'll never tell

Xander:
She is the one, she's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight -
Embrace! Tight Embrace
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell

Anya and Xander:
'Cause there's nothing to tell

Anya:
He snores

Xander:
She wheezes

Anya:
Say "housework" and he freezes

Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

Anya:
I talk - he breezes

Xander:
She doesn't know what "please" is

Anya:
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

Anya and Xander:
The vibe
Gets kind of scary

Xander:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Anya:
Like it's all just temporary

Xander:
Like her toes are kind of hairy

Anya and Xander:
But it's all very well
'Cause God knows I'll never tell

Anya:
When things get rough he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look - he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

Xander:
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She nev -

Anya:
His eyes are beady!

Xander:
This is my verse, hello!
She -

Anya:
Look at me! I'm dacin' crazy!

Anya and Xander:
You know ...

Xander:
You're quite the charmer

Anya:
My knight in armor

Xander:
You're the cutest of the scoobies
With your lips as red as rubbies
And your firm yet supple - tight
embrace...

Anya:
He's swell

Xander:
She's sweller

Anya:
He'll always be my feller

Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified

Anya:
I've read this tale
There's wedding then betrayal
I know that come the day I'll
Want to run and hide

Anya and Xander:
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

Xander:
Is she looking for a pot of gold

Anya:
Will I look good when I've gotten old

Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful
If I'm never that succesful

Anya:
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

Xander:
Am I crazy

Anya:
Am I dreamin'

Xander:
Am I marrying a demon

Anya and Xander:
We could really raise the beam in
Making marriage a hell
So thank God I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell

Xander:
My lips are sealed

Anya:
I take the fifth

Xander:
Nothing to see
Move it along

Anya and Xander:
I'll never tell!